There is a scientific view popular in a world awash in automobiles that such critters have a naturalistic explanation for their existence. (See Naturalistic CarDesign.) This is an absurd and illogical worldview. Clearly such unbelievers have been brainwashed by a conspiracy to destroy free thought and spirituality.

It is illogical because if the only allowable explanation is that nature does it, then no means is allowed of showing something non-natural did it. But enough of that endless "is so, is not" business. Naturalism is absurd because it violates all common sense. Automotive order requires automotive design of pure intellect. Ergo, GCD (Great Car Designer) creates cars essentially out of nothing other than Himself.

The mark of His wheelprint is found throughout. (Hey, that might make a good book title, "The Wheelprint of GcD.") The order in a car is so complex that it is obviously not an artifact of mere natural process. Nature does not make steel. Nature does not make plastic. Nature does not make gasoline. Nature does not assemble such materials into anything other than junk. The point is obvious: if nature doesn't do it, something non-natural must be the source.

GCD planned that there should be cars from before the beginning. This is for the glorification of GCD. Cars would bear the very image of the GCD. They will have legroom because GCD has legs, they shall run on wheels because GCD doesn't like to walk, they shall be expensive because GCD's power and wisdom are not cheap. They shall be prolific because GCD desires multitudes of offspring. Cars are clearly the children of GCD, not products of car factories.

GCD built a world for cars to be their home. He created the raw materials and energy sources that would be formed by His hands into cars. He made petroleum reserves and designed the laws of physical chemistry whereby the petroleum could be made into hydrocarbons ranging from gasoline to plastic. He made metallic elements and the designed the laws of metallurgy to form the metals into engines and car bodies. Ditto for all the other designed components of the car. In a rationale order of creation He instantaneously formed all the components of cars and culminated His work by taking the "dust" of His creation and shaping the ultimate objective: Model 1-Adam-12, the first car, shiny and all brand new. Instantaneous production of this first assembly took only six days, according to the Account of Henry as told to the first inhabitants of Detroit who needed a suitable explanation for where all the cars were coming from. On the seventh day, our Saturday, GCD took His first day off -- which He spent the entirety of in repairing the car. This became a worldwide holy day set aside for car repair every week. (Today He makes cars in less than a day in something that strongly appears to be a car factory, but in reality it is just an extension of the mind of GCD. Also today, the making of all the subcomponents occurs at a very slow pace, compared to that of the initial event as described by the Account of Henry. Unfortunately some believers have even misinterpreted this to think GCD might also have used similar processes in His first efforts. The GCD factor is not being appropriately considered by such closet naturalists among our ranks of the GCD believers.)

He found it useful to make many of the subcomponents in a dizzying array of dendritic varieties and complementary forms. When the car began to examine itself, it noticed that it was not like the other components. It was unique, and lonesome. So GCD lovingly reached into the side of the car and pulled out a bit of itself to form a compliment model and the very first automobile family line was born. From that first pair, by a similar process of taking of bit of material along with the design instructions for each, GCD shapes each new model by His own hands, stamped with its own unique VIN. The part numbers on all the subparts, assembled in strict sequence, clearly shows this underlying language of the designer imprinted on the final product.

Ever since the beginning of car creation, GCD has been deeply involved in the ongoing development of the automotive roadmap, guiding its way every mile of the journey. The ultimate goal of each car is car nirvana in an eternal home with GCD. This unfortunately requires that the car die, since the unnatural world of GCD will not admit anything natural. Its like oil and water -- just don't mix. So the materials of the car body are recycled to make more cars, while the soul of the car returns to its maker. Excepting Corvairs, for which GCD has reserved a special place of wailing and gnashing of gas tanks.

There is great mystery concerning the soul of a car, but it is really quite simple. A car's soul is that transcendent personality all cars are born with. Some are honey's, some are lemons. Personality is really the only "part" of the car that partakes of the GCD nature, all else is physical metaphor. Some cars have better personalities than others. Hence, some cars get eternal reward while some get eternal punishment when the time comes. Actually not many get eternal reward since there aren't many honey's. Most are lemons which just end up in a junk yard rotting away forever in weeds, stench and filth having their guts slowly ripped out as car-nivores scavenge for parts (usually on Saturday). Having spent any time with a car will reveal the infinite justice in this plan. That any should be allowed into the great car showroom beyond the sky is a wonder.

This is a battle to the finish. Clearly there can be no middle ground between the worldviews concerning the Natural or SuperNatural Origin of Automobiles.
 

(c) Hill Roberts, 2000 (PDF print version)
(Author is open to suggestions for these bed time stories. LIBmail@lordibelieve.org)